Raising a Loser

We've reached the end of our inaugural hockey season, save for a friendship tournament next weekend, our league play is done. Yesterday was a disappointing finish for the kids and this morning you could hear the confusion over their placing. I can't blame them I am also incredibly confused. Our team finish on top of the standings for the playoffs but we won't be playing in the final game because we lost our very first playoff game yesterday. The only game apparently that counted for the series.

I swear I will never understand this stuff, but the Dads who do understand the logistics of round robin play have been busy explaining and reassuring kids that yes, while it makes no sense and seems incredibly unfair it is how everything plays out.

So we lost, and that's okay, or at least that's what we say to the kids, you played hard, you had fun, you did your best. - what a crock, nobody likes to lose, it's not okay. be sad, talk about it, be disappointed, wallow...and get over it, you've got exactly 10 minutes.

I'll give you 10 minutes then we're going to talk about the journey.

Let's celebrate the kids who very literally could not even skate when the season kicked off, and the kids who could not pass the puck. How about those first half a dozen games where you got your butts whooped over and over again, those were fun. Not as much fun as the very first game you won maybe, but they were a place of great learning. What about your favourite moments of the season, lets talk about those; the string of wins, the Christmas Tournament that ended in shoot-out madness, the game at the OHL arena where they announced your names and pumped rally tunes. Those were favourite memories. How about the time your goalie had to leave the ice and you played empty netted for almost a full period and denied the other team a single goal...that was awesome! I personally really enjoyed watching the camaraderie grow. In the beginning the locker room was a quiet, sterile place, months later parents are lined up in the hallway wondering if you are ever going to quit goofing around and emerge.

So yes, I know losing sucks and the way you lost your place in the standings seems unfair and you are disappointed. You also played your best because great volunteers who spent their Saturdays and Sundays  for the last 6 months taught you never to give less. You did have fun because you played with your friends. You fought hard for that loss - you were after all playing to win.

Mostly, you've won so much more than you've lost, it's hard to see right now but I promise it is something you can be proud and happy with!

Gratitude to the coaches, the time keepers, parent taxis, convenors, coffee barristas, Zamboni drivers, the good sports and the referees. Gratitude to all parents across the Hockey Nation this week who are 'raising' losers - it can be hard to remind them that there is no such thing - Well Played!

Michelle

In My House We Don't Pay You to Have Fun

If one more person asks me how much I pay my son for a goal I think I might just scream.

Pay him for a goal, are your freaking serious? Have you seen the price of hockey registration? Heck, have you seen the price of gas? I've paid enough already for this boy to play hockey! Beyond the debit card ca'ching that goes on to get him into and to the games I have also paid with my Sunday morning sleep deprivation. I am not about to start shelling out five bucks a goal.

Frankly I am amazed that anyone would subscribe to the practice of paying their kids to play in the first place and I am offended quite openly by the number of parents who automaticly assume that my son is good on the ice because I pay him to be. Anybody who thinks that would work, please... raise your hand. Now put your hand down and leave the room.

My son does play very well. We have done one year of hockey fundamentals where he learned to skate and hold a stick and stop without smashing into the boards. We spent a season in ball hockey where his most spectacular goal was a slow motion roll in from the far end of the rink that should very well have been called for icing. This is his first year of ice hockey and he has excelled. Yes, he leads the league in assists. Yes, he has more than a hat trick of hat tricks. Yes, he sits in the top three goal scorers. Yes, he loves the game.

He eats, sleeps and breaths hockey. There are games on tv, games in the street, mini stick games in the basement. I have to pull him in off the street for dinner and glue him to the chair to keep him there long enough to eat. He is the first one in the van on game day and he wakes us up for practice on Sunday mornings. On the way to the arena I can hear him in the backseat singing along to the “hockey play-list” he has created on his Ipod. He warms up at home before his games, he makes himself a protein breakfast and requests pasta lunches.

Yes, he loves the game, he has fun out there on the ice that is what makes him a good player.

If the day ever arrived that I felt compelled to pay him for his performance that would be the very last day he plays hockey.

The question “how much do you pay him for a goal” makes me furious and I wonder how many kids are out there on the ice because they want to be and how many are out their because their parents want them to be the next big star?

Hey, I have an idea if you really want your kids to be stars and you think money will do that why not stop paying them for goals and start paying them for sportsmanship. How about a buck for every fist-bump or pass to a player who doesn't get many shots. Maybe a purple slurpee for knocking the goalie on the shoulder after a rough game and praising all out effort. How about five bucks for yelling a “thanks coach” on the way out of the dressing room.

Maybe, if you did that, in 20 years the stands will be filled with awesome hockey parents.

Gratitude to the parents who have not asked how much we pay our kid to play, the ones who stop him and say great game and who recognize that he's just having a good time. Gratitude as well to my friend who suggested that she pays her son to be the first one out of the dressing room after a game – now there is an idea I would contribute a buck to!

Hope, Gratitude and Smiles are meant to be shared

Michelle

Induction to HockeyMomDom

Have you noticed I've been away? I have, I miss this place. My Sunday morning coffee/writing/soul rejuvenation hour has been replaced by coffee/yawning/soul freezing at the most ungodly of hours.

Did you know that the little kids get the early hours at the rink? and that at 6:30am a hockey arena is only slightly warmer than Winnipeg on a crisp January morn? How about that the early morning shift at Timmie's are not all bright eyed, bushy tailed and eager to please, and that their order success ratio is only 50%? Did you know that?  I didn't, but I am learning.

I am also learning that it is not every player's job to dig into the corner for the puck and shouting "get on HIM!" is generally frowned upon in minor house league. I am learning about fashion too, in so much as; I need a vest and a pair of matching mittens and a toque (preferably with a tassel of sorts) This week I learned that the 7am practice is one of those "my week" "your week" tasks. Last week I sat with the Dads, this week it was Moms. I am learning that offside does not mean that the puck has gone over the boards and that the dressing room is NOT a place for Moms. That's not to say we are unwelcome, I've just learned that it is testosterone zone better left to the testosterone generators.

There is a reciprocation of learning too. My son has learned that while Mom has talked a good game about hockey fan-dom and cheers right alongside for his beloved Pittsburgh Penguins, I really have no clue. Mike has always know this but we were keeping it from the little guy, an omission for the better good, I need all the Mom worshiping points I can get! Mike has learned that we need to arrive early so that I can get my spot under a heater, on the off chance they get turned on. KJ has learned that I can in fact inflict greater humiliation than she ever imagined. E-man has learned the KJ will not be attending anymore of his games.

I'm not sure that I've taught my fellow hockey parents anything yet (most of them know everything already anyway) I'm sure that they will learn in time that the best place to sit is away from #15's Mom, unless of course they crave heat (I do own the heater after all) They will quickly learn that I do not handle competition well. I do a remarkable job keeping my mouth shut and my comments to myself, but I fidget and physically react like I need my child to. Weird I know, but its involuntary and the harder I try to supress it, the worse it gets. I'm like a voodoo hexed Momma on crack and the voodoo doll is my child. I know this will happen. It has been going on for 16 years; at dance recitals, school plays, runway shows, graduation ceremonies, streetball games and at the skateboard park.

I have been an official Hockey Mom for 4 weeks and the learning curve is steep, but if the girl who makes my coffee can get it right half of the time and Mike can explain the rules and E-man can figure out where all that equipment belongs, I can surely learn to wear the title with pride and earn my hockey mom stripes.

I just hope that the other hockey parents learn as quickly as the boxing parents did. Those poor people didn't know what they were in for once Lula stepped into the ring!

Gratitude for patient husbands, ski jackets, hockey coaches, and that Hockey Mom who will hopefully garner more attention than I, and make me look like a seasoned pro at Hockey Momming.

Spend some moment everyday in reflection of gratitude and happiness. Even if the time found is standing in line for coffee...use is wisely.

Michelle