Robo-Not-So-Real-Baby

I am not ready to be a grandmother and I spend an awful lot of time reminding my children of that fact. I use whatever means land in my path to make the point that sexual responsibility is a real thing with real consequences and best left to consenting adults.

Think I'm kidding? Last week KJ was taking a prescription for a tummy virus. She opened the bottle and said “I think I missed one.” to which I, without missing a beat, yelled “PREGNANT!” KJ quietly explained to me that A) she's not that kind of girl and 2) prescription antacids do not have anything to do with pregnancy. “No”, I said “but if that had be your birth-control you would be PREGNANT!” *insert visual of teenager shaking head and rolling eyes*

It should be fairly clear that when Lula announced that she was bringing home Robo-Baby for the weekend I was ecstatic! I know that teenagers have an unrealistic view of infant rearing and I have heard some really great Robo-Baby horror stories. I was looking forward to the up all night screaming computer infant that would leave my 16 year old weary, frustrated and slightly sleep deprived. I wanted to see her pull her hair out for 48 hours and beg for it to stop.

This is the reality she got...

Robo-Baby turned on at 3pm, ate and slept until the evening. He let Lula eat her dinner hot and was only awake for 45 minutes between 7 and 10pm. He did not spit-up on my daughter's shoulder during burping. The diapers did not smell. Yellow baby poo did not gush from onsie leg wholes or up and out through the neck whole. Robo-Baby went to sleep after 5 minutes of rocking and stayed that way even when the chair creaked and the phone rang. Robo-Baby woke up once through the night for a 20 minute feeding and went promptly back to sleep until a reasonable hour. He let my daughter eat breakfast, get dressed, have a hot cup of coffee and enjoy a 25 minute car ride without fussing, crying, soiling himself or crying for no apparent reason. Night two mirrored night one and Sunday morning found my very lovely daughter not nearly as dishevelled as I was rooting for.

Apart from a few sparse moments of new Robo-Mother anxiety that had Lula doing the rock, bounce – what's wrong with you dance the weekend did not pose much reality... save for one moment...

During a crying episode KJ rather loudly complained “I didn't sign up for the stupid Baby why do I have to listen to it's crying and crap?”

So while the experience of Robo-Baby may have been under-realistic for the caregiver I am very grateful that the message was not lost on everyone.

Hope Gratitude and Smiles are meant to be shared,

Michelle

Michael, Nano Seconds and How Mickey Rourke Ended Up in Our Van

I'm sitting in the drive thru this morning with Michael, waiting in cue for our ice-coffee (sweet sustenance for the weekly errand run in summer) We are talking about the part we need for the dishwasher, items on the market grocery list and what we still need for cottage week. E-man is in the back trying to edge into the conversation with his 148th sales pitch on 'why we need an XBox 360.' There's a breath in the conversation, one of those thoughtful pauses where everyone contemplates the barrage of information that has just passed back and forth. The next words to fill the air in our van throw me for a loop.

"Mickey Rourke"

I turn my attention to Mike.

"What?" I ask
"Mickey Rourke." he repeats
"What?" I ask again. Trying desperately to replay the last 3 minutes, play a mental round of 6 degrees of separation and figure out what Mickey Rourke has to do with anything.
"The guy from that movie The Wrestler" Mike says
"I know who Mickey Rourke is." I say. "I'm trying to figure out where he came from"
"You know he was in all those movies in the 80's"
"Ya, I know, but what does he have to do with s'mores, a pump connector and beans?" I'm starting to feel a little stupid now because I still can't make the connection and Mike is looking at me like I just landed.
"Marlborough Man... he was the guy."
"Marlborough Man?" I inquire even more lost than  I thought I was.
"Ya, we were talking about that motorcycle movie, Marlborough Man and 'the guy' and I couldn't remember his name? It was Mickey Rourke."
"Seriously?" I'm looking out of the van window now trying to find the item that triggered that memory. Nothing. "Seriously? what has that got to do with anything we've been talking about just now?"
"It doesn't." He says.
"Then why are we talking about Mickey Rourke?" I can't even disguise the desperation and complete confusion anymore.
"Because I just got the answer. I couldn't remember the guys name and I just did." he replies
"Just like that? In the middle of a conversation about corn and gas mileage the answer Mickey Rourke just popped into your brain out of nowhere?" I'm lost for words.
"Ya, that's how it works, my brain, it's like a computer; it's always processing information, stuff I'm not even thinking about anymore. It's why I don't sleep at night, my brain is constantly processing crap stuff." he explains.
I am amazed at how quiet E-man is in the back. I think he might be thinking the same thing I am.
I stared at Mike, astonished. "Your processor is old, that conversation happened a week ago!"

I didn't suggest that perhaps I should be considering an upgrade. I was too busy laughing my head off!

Gratitude today for my husband who is always thinking. I wouldn't of course even consider trading you in. I would miss living in the middle of a sitcom! Seriously!

Spend some moment everyday in reflection of gratitude and happiness. Even if the time found is standing in line for coffee...use is wisely.

Michelle


Did this post brighten your day? make you smile? If so I'd be ever so grateful if you shared it on Facebook or Twitter. Someone else might be in need of a smile - Thanks!

Wednesday's Example of Domestic Bliss #9

A lot goes on in our house on a day to day basis. Little surprises me; snowballs in the freezer, laptops on the bathroom counter, shoe boxes filled with rocks.

Every once in a while something stops me cold...Like a crime scene...


Exhibit #1




Exhibit #2

 Gratitude today that I know the evidence is man-made or rather kid-made.

The teenagers who live in an frequent our home are 'creating' zombie blood. It's the first phase in the creative process, I'm told that I can expect our home and yard to host the filming of a Zombie movie this summer. With any luck they will be bringing in a housekeeping crew to assist with production!

Spend some moment everyday in reflection of gratitude and happiness. Even if the time found is standing in line for coffee...use is wisely.


Michelle


Did this post brighten your day? make you smile? If so I'd be ever so grateful if you shared it on Facebook or Twitter. Someone else might be in need of a smile - Thanks!

Super Mario's Got Nothing on Me



MARIO



ME















 







vs.

Completely unfair I know, to chose a video game legend as a basis of comparison. It has been a long week however, my self esteem could use a boost, hence the opponent of questionable strength.

I'm still a little sceptical, that I'll come out on top, but I'm game for the challenge... so lets compare.

1.
MARIO:  He walks, runs, climbs, rides a yoshi, swims, spins down drainpipes. All cool moves to get him where he needs to go.

ME:  I walk, run, climb as required, swim if necessary, I also drive...that means I can get there faster and less dizzy. I win.

2.
MARIO:  He has the amazing ability to change size. He can go from small to big to large and back again.

ME:  I have the same amazing ability, however I do not need to consume magic mushrooms or get stomped on by turtles to make it happen. I win.

3.
MARIO:  He has Luigi. Luigi follows him around, helps out occasionally, eats his mushrooms and lets Mario be the hero.

ME:  I have Michael. Michael follows my around, eats mushrooms if I cook them and lets me be the hero. He also does laundry and pays half the bills. I win.

4.
MARIO:  He faces seemingly insurmountable challenges in varying worlds

ME:  I conquer seemingly insurmountable challenges in varying worlds but I get paid to do it. I win.

5.
MARIO: He gets to go back to the beginning and try again when he screws up.

ME:  I have to travel back the way I came, through the mess left in my wake to get back to the beginning where I will try again. Mario only gets 3 tries. I can keep going back until I get it right. I win.

6.
MARIO:  He can entertain my husband and children for hours.

ME: I can entertain my husband and children for hours. I can also drive them to the mall, wash their clothes and cook them food. I win.

6 for 6.  to  ME!!!

Clearly I have an edge over the plumber in blue. I've proven without doubt that Mario got nothing on Me.

One area still leaves me perplexed however. Even with my unquestionable edge over Mario and my super ability to multitask. (Never question my ability to Multitask...I promise you, I can text a teenager, mentally balance the bank account and call in a doctors appointment all while scrapping unidentifiable gunk from the groove in the edge of the table. Show me a mother who can't)



Why even with all this going for me can I not last 3 minutes in his world? 

This is why my kids are grateful they have dad around for player 2.



Spend some moment everyday in reflection of gratitude and happiness. Even if the time found is standing in line for coffee...use is wisely.

Michelle

Did this post brighten your day? make you smile? If so I'd be ever so grateful if you shared it on Facebook or Twitter. Someone else might be in need of a smile - Thanks!