Raising a Loser

We've reached the end of our inaugural hockey season, save for a friendship tournament next weekend, our league play is done. Yesterday was a disappointing finish for the kids and this morning you could hear the confusion over their placing. I can't blame them I am also incredibly confused. Our team finish on top of the standings for the playoffs but we won't be playing in the final game because we lost our very first playoff game yesterday. The only game apparently that counted for the series.

I swear I will never understand this stuff, but the Dads who do understand the logistics of round robin play have been busy explaining and reassuring kids that yes, while it makes no sense and seems incredibly unfair it is how everything plays out.

So we lost, and that's okay, or at least that's what we say to the kids, you played hard, you had fun, you did your best. - what a crock, nobody likes to lose, it's not okay. be sad, talk about it, be disappointed, wallow...and get over it, you've got exactly 10 minutes.

I'll give you 10 minutes then we're going to talk about the journey.

Let's celebrate the kids who very literally could not even skate when the season kicked off, and the kids who could not pass the puck. How about those first half a dozen games where you got your butts whooped over and over again, those were fun. Not as much fun as the very first game you won maybe, but they were a place of great learning. What about your favourite moments of the season, lets talk about those; the string of wins, the Christmas Tournament that ended in shoot-out madness, the game at the OHL arena where they announced your names and pumped rally tunes. Those were favourite memories. How about the time your goalie had to leave the ice and you played empty netted for almost a full period and denied the other team a single goal...that was awesome! I personally really enjoyed watching the camaraderie grow. In the beginning the locker room was a quiet, sterile place, months later parents are lined up in the hallway wondering if you are ever going to quit goofing around and emerge.

So yes, I know losing sucks and the way you lost your place in the standings seems unfair and you are disappointed. You also played your best because great volunteers who spent their Saturdays and Sundays  for the last 6 months taught you never to give less. You did have fun because you played with your friends. You fought hard for that loss - you were after all playing to win.

Mostly, you've won so much more than you've lost, it's hard to see right now but I promise it is something you can be proud and happy with!

Gratitude to the coaches, the time keepers, parent taxis, convenors, coffee barristas, Zamboni drivers, the good sports and the referees. Gratitude to all parents across the Hockey Nation this week who are 'raising' losers - it can be hard to remind them that there is no such thing - Well Played!

Michelle

Really, I Don't Mind

Could there be a finer thing than a hobby? A passionate endeavor that provides escape from the "have to's" and the "I need's" of daily life?

 A hobby demands nothing of you except whatever time you have to indulge it and thanks you with serenity, purpose and relaxation. Yes, a hobby is an exquisite thing...the only thing finer is the hobby that keeps your husband occupied...without which, for your hobbies... there would be no time.

Gratitude today for the NHL Playoffs that are affording me many guilt free hours of writing

Quitting...The Up-side

"Quitters never win and winners never quit"

I've been thinking about this quote lately. Thinking about how many times I heard it as a child, how many times I've uttered it to my own children and thinking about how completely inaccurate it is.

Quitters win all the time, in fact some of my greatest victories have be brought about through the simple act of quitting.

I quit my job when Lula was a baby. I wasn't suppose to work after she was born but life and the economy had other plans. I spent everyday in misery knowing that I wasn't where I was meant to be. I cried at my desk for the first 30 minutes of everyday. Until one morning I just walked into my boss's office and quit. I had no plan, no idea how I was going to buy groceries or pay the mortgage but it didn't matter. I just quit. I quit and I won, our family won. I stayed home for 13 years No one starved, no one was cold or living on the street. Sure we had one car and hand-me-down clothes and made presents instead of buying them but we felt good about it.

I've quit being angry more times than I can count. I quit being angry at my father after 11 years of silence and I won the chance to renew our ties, I won a terrific grandfather for my kids, I won peace inside myself.

I quit a boyfriend once or twice, I quit the ones who made me cry, the ones who didn't call, the ones who wanted me to change. I just quit whoever didn't make me feel wonderful. I quit and my prize was Michael; who makes me laugh, and calls just because and who loves me for who I am.

I used to smoke. Physically I felt horrid and every day I worried about when my habit would catch up with me. I worried about getting sick and not being around for my children. Then I quit 3 years ago and I won back my health and my chance at seeing my children grow into their lives.

I quit a job once (okay twice) It was taking more than I was willing to give and offering nothing in return save for minimum wage, ever burdening pressure and a future that looked an awful lot like it's present. I quit without a plan or a something in the wings. I didn't even have a resume drafted. I quit and I won. I found a job I love where I can grow and contribute. A job that respects my family and appreciates my abilities.

We spend a lot of time telling our kids not to quit. Maybe that's wrong. Clearly sometimes you have to quit to win. These are a few big things I've quit but I quit things everyday. I quit arguing to let someone else be heard, I quit worrying about what others think to do what makes me happy. I quit trying to keep my floors sparkling to make time to hang out with my kids. I quit drinking coffee at noon so I can sleep at night. I quit trying to turn left when clearly tuning right would be more effective. I quit trying to achieve good hair to be on time for work. There are 100 tiny things I quit everyday in favour of 100 tiny victories.

So clearly quitters often win and winners often quit. The trick is knowing what to quit and when.

I'm grateful to be a quitter...it's brought me a lot to be grateful for.

A special editorial note for my children....Somethings you don't get to quit. That post is part 2 coming later...don't run around quitting everything yet.