Lessons from the First Day of School

Our family learned some very big lessons on the first day of school this year.

1. Awful people exist in this world
2. Good people exist in this world
3. Gratitude exists even in the depths of sorrow

I was nearing the end of my day at work, looking forward to getting home to the first day of school catch-up. I love all those papers to fill out and the stories from my kids about who is in their class and how the teachers are. The chatter on the very first day of school always fills a house with a buzz of excitement and pure joy.

Just past 3 o'clock my phone rang. Instantly upon hearing Michael's voice I knew our day had taken a sharp turn in an opposite emotional direction.

"The vet just called me... Clara has been hit by a car...she didn't make it."

My heart sank to my knees, as I thought about the big lovable, floppy ear basset hound, who just last month came to be part of our family.

The details were very vague. I understood that a neighbour was at the vet clinic, as was at least one of my girls, someone was picking E-man up from school and Clara was gone.

I shut down my work and raced out the door. That 15 minute drive to my kids felt like a million years! Pulling into the vet clinic my heart sank again, immediately, I recognized our neighbour Ed's truck and the car of my good friend Patti. Please tell me it wasn't one of them, I prayed, knowing that the only thing that could make this situation any more devastating was if one of my friends felt responsible.

Inside the clinic I was greeted by a visibly upset receptionist and an equally upset vet and technician who took me to my kids. They opened the door to a tiny room and there they all were. My three babies with tear stained cheeks, Patti with her mascara stained sweater, Ed and Colin clearly deflated. I hugged everyone, asked a few questions and sent the kids home with Patti. Ed stayed behind to catch me up, and hold me up while I dealt with the unpleasantness of saying goodbye and making arrangements with the clinic staff for Clara's burial.

I learned, that the dogs had managed to somehow escape the fenced yard,  thankfully Ed spotted them and let the girls knows. I knew that an army of adults and kids would not have been able to return those dogs home if they got out. They had only been with us a month and while we were working on obedience, when it came to some things they listened like teenagers.

I learned, that the person who hit Clara did not hesitate, did not stop, did not even look back...and my heart broke a little more. I learned that Ed picked Clara up and carried her back to his truck. I learned, that Colin helped Ed the last part of the way and comforted Clara in the back as they raced to the vet clinic down the street. I learned, that KJ accompanied Ed and Colin and Clara and that Lula went to get E-man from school. I learned, that Ed had to use colourful explicatives with a complete stranger at a four way stop and that KJ was touched by that gesture. I learned, that Shawnie took care of Cooper while Patti headed to the Vet clinic to take care of my family.

I learned, that thankfully, Clara did not suffer.

Around the table (when we finally got around to supper) Michael and I tried to focus the conversation around the first day of school. It was clear that most everyone's food was going to be cold rather than consumed and E-man excused himself time and again to blow his nose and wipe his eyes.

I asked KJ to start our gratefuls for the evening. "I am grateful that I didn't get lost on my first day of highschool today" she said.

E-man left the table again, this time sobbing.

Lula was furious with me. "We shouldn't be doing this today, it's too sad, there is nothing grateful about today"

I explained that this was the most important day to acknowledge some gratitude, that even on the very worst day of your life there exists reasons to be thankful.

E-man returned to the table.

Lula conceded and offered a grateful "The first day of grade 11 went pretty smoothly at school."

I offered my Gratitude "I am grateful that Dad didn't get hurt in his motorcycle fender-bender this afternoon." (yes other things also transpired that made the first day back to school one we'd rather forget) I really wanted to grateful for the vet clinic staff and our friends but I did not want to open the flood gates of emotion any further.

Clearly Michael didn't want to either, for his grateful was "I'm glad everyone's first day at school was okay."

E-man's turn came. He choked up terribly and for a minute I thought maybe Lula was right, this was a bad idea. Then came his gratitude....

"I am grateful that we have such good neighbours" he said.

And I learned.... That my son gets it. That even in the face of extreme sorrow he can choose to focus on the space between the raindrops.

The first day of school 2011 was filled with lessons...

1. Horrible people who would rundown a dog exist
2. There exists also wonderful souls like Ed, Colin, Patti, Shawnie, and the staff at Williamsburg Veterinary Hospital.
3. Gratitude exists in all circumstances

Our extreme gratitude to Ed, Colin, Patti, Shawnie, The Staff at Williamsburg Veterinary Hospital and to Lorraine and Sarah who blessed us with the company of Clara. I know this is heartbreaking for you as well and I am sorry.

Once I Ruled the World

I used to be fantastic! Don't laugh, it's true. There was once a time when I made the world go-round. Granted the world was small, but I ruled it magically. I was the queen of playdough and silly songs and playground coolness. With a single word I could make everything right with the world, ridding it of monsters and bullies and sadness. There was even a time when I used to have the answers to some of life's toughest questions.

In just a few short years my reign has come to an end.  Now the most magical thing I can produce is a ride to the mall. The only answers I have are incorrect and the only thing I can make right is spaghetti.

How does that happen? I'll tell you...

First we teach kids how to talk, then they learn to talk back. We teach them to explore their world and they learn that there is more out there than we can offer them. We teach them to stand up for themselves, and they stand up against us. We teach them to make choices but we never suspect that they will choose things we don't agree with. We ask them to be responsible and they don't need us so much anymore. We tell them to grow up, and they do.

Knowing all of this doesn't make a bit of difference. The job of a parent is to teach people not to need you anymore. You still have to encourage them to speak, to explore, to be strong, thoughtful and responsible. You still have to teach them to grow up. (Despite how painful those teen years are going to prove to be.)

I have discovered that as you become less and less fantastic you need to have some sanity saving strategies.

I'm not going to lie...

• I use country music like garlic. I play it loud. It keeps everyone out of my hair long enough to get the housework done.
• I creep facebook pages and twitter posts. With my online urban dictionary bookmarked I can almost figure out just how much discomfort I'm dishing out and adjust accordingly.
• I listen to people with little children fret and complain and in my mind I reminisce about the days when my troubles were small and I ruled the world. (FYI that grin on my face is is more Cheshire cat than 'isn't that cute', if you only knew what you're in for)
• I weep. I don't cry, crying is for babies. Weeping is the battle song of those enduring inevitable adversity. (just a note here; they know they bring you to tears but they must not know when, weep in private)
• I have a safe room, a place I go to rant or weep. Lately the garage has been my safe room. Michael's motorcycle is there, so is Michael. We are a team...this is our situation room. (just a note here; ranting is a good tool to use openly on occasion, it keeps everyone on their toes, be the ticking time bomb)
• Perhaps my most effective strategy is to let Michael take one for the team. I let him be the bad guy, he knows I'm going to throw him under the bus and he's good with that (like he has a choice) We talked about this a long time ago. I did the labour and delivery thing, his sacrifice here might just make us even. 'Even' is going to be important if we are going to enjoy staring at each other in an empty house not many years from now.

I know that the teenage years are the final push that will present us with fabulous adults to share time and conversation with. I just want to laugh along the way. I don't want to wait until after because well, truth be told I'm not convinced I'm going to come out with enough marbles to remember what I wanted to laugh about. I'm also a little afraid that it might be like childbirth and I might forget everything.

If you are still fabulous and the ruler of the world...soak it in! If you are no longer fabulous and in the heat of battle...chin-up, fist bump, fist bump, boooyahh...you can do this! (we can do this? can't we?) If you are on the other side enjoying your adults...do share...what got you there? what was your best strategy?



Spend some moment everyday in reflection of gratitude and happiness. Even if the time found is standing in line for coffee...use is wisely.


Michelle


Did this post brighten your day? make you smile? If so I'd be ever so grateful if you shared it on Facebook or Twitter. Someone else might be in need of a smile - Thanks!

Tomorrow's a Mystery

What's in the box? It's a mystery obviously, you can't see inside. The ominous question marks on the outside suggest that what is inside might not be entirely desirable. It's not a big box but then some great things come in very small packages. (think candy and spare change) Of course some equally crappy things would fit in such a small box (think lima beans or a credit card bill folded over and over again into a tiny square)

This box could hold anything. It used to hold candy. I've been staring at it for the better part of the morning because it has been refilled by one of my 'fun loving' nephews. I know there is something inside, even an empty box is full of nothing. The question is whether I'm going to be grateful for what's inside the box or not. 

I'm thinking about the week ahead and wondering what's in store. It's a mystery like what's inside the box. You can stare at it all you want but eventually you have to open the box. There might be crap in store or something great either way it demands attention ...the trick is going to be turning whatever it is into something to be grateful for.

Can You Spare a Little Gratitude?

We started out really well this morning. E-man went to school, I went to work...everything was right with the world. For 2 hours.

E-man's been sent home and I've abandoned work for parenthood. As I understand it, he is not "well enough" to their standard to be back at school. For the record, we have very differing opinions.

Digging deep to find some gratitude at the moment. Got any to share?

Take 5

We all have days where we need to "practice" gratitude. Challenging days and experiences plague us all. These are also the time we need to dig a little deeper and unearth some gratitude. Finding little things to be grateful for opens the door for more good to come in.

Here's a quick trick for those moments when we need to "take 5"

1...think of all the places you'll go today. Which one is your favourite. Maybe you are a mother of 3 and your favourite place to be is the solitude of your bathroom. It's okay to be grateful for locking doors and running water.

2 ...What's the song playing over and over again in your head right now? "Take this Job and Shove It" ? That's a good one!  I bet in your head your rehearsing the choreography too! You can be grateful for a sense of humour.

3 ...What 's the best thing you've eaten today? That first cup of coffee? A muffin, that was suppose to be carrot but turned out to be banana because that girl who served you screws it up every morning?

4 ... Quick! Count how many people said good morning or hello to you today. Who from that list were you happiest to see? I bet it wasn't the girl that serves your muffin but I bet she said good morning.

5 ...Go back over the list and think about what you could have answered. Right now the best place someone might be is with their child in a hospital room. Someone's song could be "Amazing Grace". Some people won't think about what they've eaten but rather if their children will eat tonight. Some people have lost the one person that makes them happiest to see.

Hippies Believe in S-E-X

This is why I love American Idol.

On a day like today, when co-workers have been childish and children have been difficult. On a day when a man tells you his wife has cancer. On a day like today when patience are low and emotions are high its comforting to know that lunacy still exists. Call me cruel but I love to laugh and there is no shortage of material on this show. I realise that most of it is manufactured in a pitch for ratings but I don't care. A guy in period costume explaining the belief system of a hippie as S-E-X, followed by a brutal singer certain she's declined a ticket because of her dress size...that's comedy. Well not really but it's funny enough to make me forget my troubles for 60 minutes. I'm grateful for that.

http://www.tvsquad.com/2011/01/26/american-idol-milwaukee-auditions-nathaniel-jones-goes-to-ido/

My position on the Simon issue...I miss him.