I’m not a fanatic about my waistline. I like to eat healthy,
stay active and load up on good whole foods but I’m not a ‘dieter’—as a rule I don’t
watch the scale or count calories. It’s a rule I break only a couple of times a
year when I know I’ve been overindulgent and when I can feel my clothes hugging
me with a little more affection than I appreciate. September is a guaranteed
month of nutritional monitoring. Usually I have myself feeling like normal
again by December, just in time for the holiday overload. Then I begin again in
January.
Right now I’m monitoring, and I like a little help, some way
to hold myself accountable. Fortunately I don’t have to have one of those
little grocery story Calorie Counter Books or a journal or math degree to
figure out how well I’m staying the course, there are so many great websites
and apps to help these days.
My personal fav –MyFitnessPal.com. It’s so easy, accessible
everywhere and realistic. For example today I had raw cookie dough for lunch; it
was on there. I clicked the button to
add it to my food list for the day. No judgy judgy red flags popped up, no
warnings flashed that I was sabotaging my efforts, nobody asked why I decided
cookie dough was acceptable. Nope the app just added the calories, tallied the
carbs, figured out how far I had exceeded my sugar quota and it was over. I don’t
have an appointment with a dietary counsellor next week to discuss my food
issues. I just got to eat the dough and move on.
Right now I feel pretty good, better than I did a couple of
hours ago while I was at work. In another 30 minutes I’m going to feel like
crap because chocolate chip cookie dough (the good stuff) is not gluten free
but I’m okay with the belly ache I’m in for. I’m hoping it will give me
something else to think about besides the reason I’m home baking cookies on a
Thursday afternoon in the first place.
I quit my job today. Okay, technically everyone is expecting
me back Monday morning, so it’s not permanent; just desperately required for my
own mental health. One of the least glamorous aspects of working in finance and
insurance is that people die. Eight of them on my client list in the last eight
days. Not all of those people were old, not all of them were sick, not all of
the family members I met or spoke with were expecting the end any time soon. Ordinarily
I pride myself on being a supportive and calming presence to those in crisis; I
try to go the extra mile to make the process as painless as is possible under
devastating circumstances. I feel good when someone says I made them feel at
ease and cared for. But today, today I hit the wall. Too many in too many days,
too much sadness, too many lives that shouldn’t be gone. I just needed to be
somewhere where everything is right with the world, where people aren’t hurting
and heartbroken.
So I quit, just for today.
I needed to be somewhere other than my office; somewhere
where cookies can make everything right in the world. Raw or cooked, it doesn’t
matter; the calories are the same.
And I love MyFitnessPal for understanding my shame.
Do me a big favour this weekend...love one another like you mean it.
Love,
M
