I’m not a fanatic about my waistline. I like to eat healthy, stay active and load up on good whole foods but I’m not a ‘dieter’—as a rule I don’t watch the scale or count calories. It’s a rule I break only a couple of times a year when I know I’ve been overindulgent and when I can feel my clothes hugging me with a little more affection than I appreciate. September is a guaranteed month of nutritional monitoring. Usually I have myself feeling like normal again by December, just in time for the holiday overload. Then I begin again in January.
Right now I’m monitoring, and I like a little help, some way to hold myself accountable. Fortunately I don’t have to have one of those little grocery story Calorie Counter Books or a journal or math degree to figure out how well I’m staying the course, there are so many great websites and apps to help these days.
My personal fav –MyFitnessPal.com. It’s so easy, accessible everywhere and realistic. For example today I had raw cookie dough for lunch; it was on there. I clicked the button to add it to my food list for the day. No judgy judgy red flags popped up, no warnings flashed that I was sabotaging my efforts, nobody asked why I decided cookie dough was acceptable. Nope the app just added the calories, tallied the carbs, figured out how far I had exceeded my sugar quota and it was over. I don’t have an appointment with a dietary counsellor next week to discuss my food issues. I just got to eat the dough and move on.
Right now I feel pretty good, better than I did a couple of hours ago while I was at work. In another 30 minutes I’m going to feel like crap because chocolate chip cookie dough (the good stuff) is not gluten free but I’m okay with the belly ache I’m in for. I’m hoping it will give me something else to think about besides the reason I’m home baking cookies on a Thursday afternoon in the first place.
I quit my job today. Okay, technically everyone is expecting me back Monday morning, so it’s not permanent; just desperately required for my own mental health. One of the least glamorous aspects of working in finance and insurance is that people die. Eight of them on my client list in the last eight days. Not all of those people were old, not all of them were sick, not all of the family members I met or spoke with were expecting the end any time soon. Ordinarily I pride myself on being a supportive and calming presence to those in crisis; I try to go the extra mile to make the process as painless as is possible under devastating circumstances. I feel good when someone says I made them feel at ease and cared for. But today, today I hit the wall. Too many in too many days, too much sadness, too many lives that shouldn’t be gone. I just needed to be somewhere where everything is right with the world, where people aren’t hurting and heartbroken.
So I quit, just for today.
I needed to be somewhere other than my office; somewhere where cookies can make everything right in the world. Raw or cooked, it doesn’t matter; the calories are the same.
And I love MyFitnessPal for understanding my shame.
Do me a big favour this weekend...love one another like you mean it.