Robo-Not-So-Real-Baby

I am not ready to be a grandmother and I spend an awful lot of time reminding my children of that fact. I use whatever means land in my path to make the point that sexual responsibility is a real thing with real consequences and best left to consenting adults.

Think I'm kidding? Last week KJ was taking a prescription for a tummy virus. She opened the bottle and said “I think I missed one.” to which I, without missing a beat, yelled “PREGNANT!” KJ quietly explained to me that A) she's not that kind of girl and 2) prescription antacids do not have anything to do with pregnancy. “No”, I said “but if that had be your birth-control you would be PREGNANT!” *insert visual of teenager shaking head and rolling eyes*

It should be fairly clear that when Lula announced that she was bringing home Robo-Baby for the weekend I was ecstatic! I know that teenagers have an unrealistic view of infant rearing and I have heard some really great Robo-Baby horror stories. I was looking forward to the up all night screaming computer infant that would leave my 16 year old weary, frustrated and slightly sleep deprived. I wanted to see her pull her hair out for 48 hours and beg for it to stop.

This is the reality she got...

Robo-Baby turned on at 3pm, ate and slept until the evening. He let Lula eat her dinner hot and was only awake for 45 minutes between 7 and 10pm. He did not spit-up on my daughter's shoulder during burping. The diapers did not smell. Yellow baby poo did not gush from onsie leg wholes or up and out through the neck whole. Robo-Baby went to sleep after 5 minutes of rocking and stayed that way even when the chair creaked and the phone rang. Robo-Baby woke up once through the night for a 20 minute feeding and went promptly back to sleep until a reasonable hour. He let my daughter eat breakfast, get dressed, have a hot cup of coffee and enjoy a 25 minute car ride without fussing, crying, soiling himself or crying for no apparent reason. Night two mirrored night one and Sunday morning found my very lovely daughter not nearly as dishevelled as I was rooting for.

Apart from a few sparse moments of new Robo-Mother anxiety that had Lula doing the rock, bounce – what's wrong with you dance the weekend did not pose much reality... save for one moment...

During a crying episode KJ rather loudly complained “I didn't sign up for the stupid Baby why do I have to listen to it's crying and crap?”

So while the experience of Robo-Baby may have been under-realistic for the caregiver I am very grateful that the message was not lost on everyone.

Hope Gratitude and Smiles are meant to be shared,

Michelle

It Takes a Pineapple Some Days to Raise a Family

Parenting met desperation Monday evening and to quote my 14 year old KJ "You can't even know" I swear you can't.

There is a saying in our home, "It's a short walk from laughter to tears" That phrase was coined for nights like this. It started innocently enough with the regular bantering and bickering around the supper table. The kids poking fun at one another, Dad getting in on the act. KJ spilling chicken noodle soup on her freshly self laundered shirt and pants.  A few ohhs and ahhs, a smart remark about karma and KJ was quickly to terms with her need to perform laundry duties again.

Best line of the night goes to Lula. Just after the soup incident she looked across the table at KJ "You have a Jabba The Hut on your shirt, You know... like how some people see Jesus in their toast? Like that, only it's Jabba"

I laughed so hard my sides hurt but I wasn't in tears, not yet. We arrived at tears less than a minute and a half post Jabba sighting.

It started with a chicken soup noodle which lead to a child covered in mustard. You don't really need me to expand in detail, suffice it to say the decibel level in our home reached heights attainable only by teenage girls furiously vieing for fairness, consequence, expressive contempt and the title of 'right'.

Insert tears, internal gut wrenching - I've had enough tears (mine mostly).

Welcome to Mom-rant.

I was already there waiting for everyone else to catch up with me. I ranted about personal respect, appropriate behaviour, clogged toilets, plungers, cellphones, dog pee, homework, laundry, vacuuming, chores, suitcases, blankets, pop cans and socks. By the time I got to maxi pads and backpacks I had 2 cell phones, an Ipod and the first born child of each one of my kids.

I also had a huge case of "who decided that I was capable of this doing this job?" That's a bad place for moms. It leads to one of two destinations; 'I'll show you' or 'My kids are doomed'. I turned left and march right into 'I'll show you.' I stood in the heart of the house and summoned all inhabitants back the table where the wheels fell off. I had some things to say. Mostly things like 'I've had enough' and 'there are going to be some changes around here'. I have some really great tools in the 'family tune-up' kit.

Nobody rushed to the table. For a few minutes I sat there alone organizing my thoughts, preparing my stance, outlining my strategy, starring at a pineapple. It took Mike a few minutes to herd every one to the conference. In those few minutes the pineapple had talked me down off my ledge.

Instead of launching into my speech when all seats were filled, I left the table to grab a cutting board, my chef's knife, a bowl and Mike's brand-new-never seen before-who knows if it works-pineapple slicer. I laid everything out in the middle of the table and sat back. Somebody was going to pay for the atmosphere in the house, it might as well be a pineapple.

Within a few minutes three kids began working together to figure out the gadget and produce a long curly spiral of pineapple and a nifty pineapple drinking glass. We weren't heading to 'This place sucks' anymore we were heading back to laughter with a gentle reminder that it as easy to spiral up as it is to spiral down you just need to change direction.

Gratitude today to Mike's gadget, the curiosity of children and a pineapple which sacrificed itself in the name of family intervention.


Gratefully,
Michelle

The Motherhood Glories of Winter

Winter has arrived and I am ecstatic! Not because I love snow and ice, bone chilling winds or plummeting down a mountain side on highly engineered planks and a prayer, none of those things thrill me. I prefer my winter from the fireplace side of the window. Michael often teases that when we retire we will be a couple for 6 months of glorious weather then meet again after the spring thaw. He will traverse the landscape on his snowmobile to ice fishing destinations no bombardier could access. I, will curl up with tea and my thoughts, penning stories for our grandchildren and memories of toasty July evenings. That gives me winters to look forward to years into the future (I profess to not be nearly as old as my children would have you believe)

The future is a very long way off and there are many winters between my dreams and my fireside. None the less the final arrival of winter does bring me great joy. For the next 4 or so months (winter really is late this year) I carry immense power for the chilly weeks ahead. I am the keeper of the warm things.

From now until May I can remind my children to "take their mittens" and they have mittens; Canada Red Mittens, expensive designer mittens, mittens with monsters on them, fancy ski gloves, twittens (special mittens that allow for texting and tweeting). I have baskets of magic stretchy mittens, mittens in the car, my pockets, stashed in backpacks and purses, I even have a bin of mismatched mittens for emergencies!

Then there are hats. Hats that match mittens, coats, snowsuits and nothing at all. Hats with built in scarves, ear flaps, designer labels and nostalgic significance.

I also have snowpants, boots, hoods, scarves, turtlenecks, longjohns, extra coats, wind pants, mufflers, dickies, fleece vests, flannel shirts, balaclavas and earmuffs. I have been a Canadian all my life after all and a mother for long enough to know...

There is reward in little victories of 'right'!

If you have everything possible to keep your family warm, at their disposal and even hidden on their person, you are very well within your right to laugh at each and every child who walks through the front door with their arms hunched up the sleeves of their wide open jacket, with ears the colour of cream soda and snot running down their nose. You can snicker as they attempt to remove their running shoes with the laces iced together utilizing fingers too cold to do the job.

You can laugh and you can ask quietly, sincerely and compassionately "Where are your mittens?" On the inside you can give yourself a big old pat on the back of satisfaction, you can laugh hysterically at their coolness and they have no rebuttal, no position...for the next 4 months, on at least one topic, you will be right...and they KNOW IT!

Gratitude today that Mother Nature is a Mother too. :)

Gratitude, hope and smiles should never be kept to yourself!
Michelle

How My Kids Ended Up With the World's Greatest Mom.

Remember last month when we celebrated ILYFD? If you missed this post and are feeling utterly in the dark, you can read Happy ILYFD

This month we celebrate Father's Day, the real deal. There will be no attempts to morph Father's Day into something more pleasant, in my opinion there's not much need. My kids have an amazing father. I say that rather boastfully and without shame for doing so. Michael is a great dad! He takes the responsibility of being a dad very seriously with a hands on - heart in approach. His devotion to parenting has taught the kids that they can come to him for help and healing.

Mike's passion for his job as father,  is also how my kids ended up with The World's Greatest Mom.

Just take a look....

I get to talk to our teenage girls about hair and makeup and music because Mike is not afraid to talk to them about their relationships, drugs, sexuality and commitments to work and school. He is willing to go to the mall and hold purses and shopping bags while the girls try things on and change their minds and ask his opinion.

E-man and I are able to work on talent show projects and play in the kitchen because Mike helps him tackle his homework and clean up his room. I get to cheer like a hockey mom for bicycle and skateboard tricks because Mike has instilled a sense of confidence in E-man and a sense of 'don't panic, everything will be okay' in me.

I get to be patient because Mike takes kids to the park and fishing, out for road hockey and ice cream; leaving me with some solitude to recharge my batteries, pamper my spirit or wash the floors.

My children think I am funny. Mostly because Mike never fails to make light of my absurdity, which is actually okay with my. I've learned that life floats along a lot easier if you don't take yourself too seriously.

Everyday I am able to encourage our kids to pursue what makes them happy because Mike believes that you will always get what you need but nothing is as valuable as your happiness.

Mike is a master of creative discipline, employing cleaver tactics like the famous Darth Vader Time-Out and a household favourite; the Les Nesman Door (the LND deserves its very own post one day. For now let's just say that knocking on the place where a door used to be is a very effective strategy for halting repetitive door slam) As a result of Mike's creative approach, I spend a lot of time granting permission for activities and adventures and not much time negotiating with grounded kids.

Perhaps the single greatest thing Mike does to make me look like the World's Greatest Mom is to treat me like I am. He loves me the way he wants our children to love each other. He respects me with the same level of respect he expects from and gives to our children. He allows me to put our family first above everything else because he does the same.

So today we are celebrating Father's Day because anybody who works this hard to make me look this good deserves a holiday in their honor!

Spend some moment everyday in reflection of gratitude and happiness. Even if the time found is standing in line for coffee...use is wisely.


Michelle


Did this post brighten your day? make you smile? If so I'd be ever so grateful if you shared it on Facebook or Twitter. Someone else might be in need of a smile - Thanks!

Chicken Adventures

Mr. Serious has a very important school project in the works right now. For months he has been reading The Little Red Hen. He has to practice the text until he is really comfortable with it, this week he will 'present ' the story to his grade 1 class summarized in his own words like a verbal book report.

I've listened to the story over and over. I could retell it.

Me: "Who will help me set the table?"

Reply "Not I" say E-man, Lula, KJ, Mr. Serious, King and Tippy Toes

Me: "Who will help me fold these clothes?"

Reply "Not I" say E-man, Lula, KJ, Mr. Serious, King and Tippy Toes

Me: "Who will help me vacuum this carpet, dust these shelves, sweep this floor?"

Reply "Not I" say E-man, Lula, KJ, Mr. Serious, King and Tippy Toes

Me "Who will help me take out this garbage, clean this bathroom, change these beds?"

Reply "Not I" say E-man, Lula, KJ, Mr. Serious, King and Tippy Toes

.....

You get the picture.

The Little Red Hen was clearly a mother. What they don't tell you is that The Little Red Hen and Chicken Little were the same person feathered character. All that "I will do it myself" eventually sent The Little Red Hen mad and running around shouting jibberish about the sky falling. Does anyone else find it coincidental that once The Little Red Hen went mad everybody was on board, shouting and screaming about the sky falling and informing the King? Even in fables the characters can get behind a cause. First they drove that poor hen crazy then they joined forces to push her over the edge.

If life imitates art you should see a post sometime next week about me getting clonked on the head by a piece of the great blue sky.

Until then I am grateful that some father thought the plight of mothers funny enough to turn it into a book series and that he chose a hen not a pig for the character.

Spend some moment everyday in reflection of gratitude and happiness. Even if the time found is standing in line for coffee...use is wisely.


Michelle


Did this post brighten your day? make you smile? If so I'd be ever so grateful if you shared it on Facebook or Twitter. Someone else might be in need of a smile - Thanks!