Monday, March 26, 2012


I am not ready to be a grandmother and I spend an awful lot of time reminding my children of that fact. I use whatever means land in my path to make the point that sexual responsibility is a real thing with real consequences and best left to consenting adults.
Think I'm kidding? Last week KJ was taking a prescription for a tummy virus. She opened the bottle and said “I think I missed one.” to which I, without missing a beat, yelled “PREGNANT!” KJ quietly explained to me that A) she's not that kind of girl and 2) prescription antacids do not have anything to do with pregnancy. “No”, I said “but if that had be your birth-control you would be PREGNANT!” *insert visual of teenager shaking head and rolling eyes*

It should be fairly clear that when Lula announced that she was bringing home Robo-Baby for the weekend I was ecstatic! I know that teenagers have an unrealistic view of infant rearing and I have heard some really great Robo-Baby horror stories. I was looking forward to the up all night screaming computer infant that would leave my 16 year old weary, frustrated and slightly sleep deprived. I wanted to see her pull her hair out for 48 hours and beg for it to stop.

This is the reality she got...

Robo-Baby turned on at 3pm, ate and slept until the evening. He let Lula eat her dinner hot and was only awake for 45 minutes between 7 and 10pm. He did not spit-up on my daughter's shoulder during burping. The diapers did not smell. Yellow baby poo did not gush from onsie leg wholes or up and out through the neck whole. Robo-Baby went to sleep after 5 minutes of rocking and stayed that way even when the chair creaked and the phone rang. Robo-Baby woke up once through the night for a 20 minute feeding and went promptly back to sleep until a reasonable hour. He let my daughter eat breakfast, get dressed, have a hot cup of coffee and enjoy a 25 minute car ride without fussing, crying, soiling himself or crying for no apparent reason. Night two mirrored night one and Sunday morning found my very lovely daughter not nearly as dishevelled as I was rooting for.

Apart from a few sparse moments of new Robo-Mother anxiety that had Lula doing the rock, bounce – what's wrong with you dance the weekend did not pose much reality... save for one moment...

During a crying episode KJ rather loudly complained “I didn't sign up for the stupid Baby why do I have to listen to it's crying and crap?”

So while the experience of Robo-Baby may have been under-realistic for the caregiver I am very grateful that the message was not lost on everyone.

Hope Gratitude and Smiles are meant to be shared,