Saturday, August 13, 2011

Boning Up on My Emotional Astronomy

I am quite happy to exist in relationship oblivion, a Utopian place where I am clueless to what I'm doing wrong and equally clueless about how to 'fix' it. I like my life "self-help free" and I'm positive that Michael is reaping all of the benefits of my position. Or not. I'm sure, I'll have a clearer view of his take once I finish reading my current page turner.

The job that pays my bills. (at least until I can figure out how to keep the lights on with my passion) requires a strong insight into what makes people tick. Anybody who knows me personally, knows that human psychology is not my strongest card to play. As a result I have to study. Enter 'the book'.

My mother has had a copy of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus on her bookshelf for years and consistently offers to loan it to me. I've managed, successfully, to side step that read for a very long time! Then a couple of weeks ago, I'm heading out the door for holidays and my boss hands me Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice. Seriously! Can you say complex? I think I might be developing one! I took the book with a chuckle, promising to 'study', understanding that it was loaned in good humor and that some valuable insight probably exists within the dustcover. I'll be honest, there was a whisper of trepidation in that chuckle; fearful of any advise that might alter the screwed up way I've been navigating my 28 year relationship with my significant other thus far.

Venus on Fire, Mars on Ice sat on my beside chair with an uncracked spine for the first half of our holiday, but it nagged at me a bit. Besides lacking psychological insight I am also a hyper-curious person. (yes, I am the kid who wondered if the inside of the car pop out lighter was actually hot or just magical. For the record; hot, capable of causing instantaneous burns and and scaring.) So on day 6 I opened Pandora's box.

Dam! Now I'm talking about man caves and feelings and thinking before I ask questions... "Is this the right approach to produce the right feel good hormones to masculate my husband, causing him to unknowingly replenish my oxytocin supply?"

Worse perhaps, than analysing my own potential faux pas, is some insight into behaviour of  strangers. For someone like myself with a psychology void, hyper-curiosity and a tendency towards opinionation, this is dangerous territory! (For the record, miserable lady who crossed my path yesterday, I think you could use a better diet, there by fueling your body with the nutrients it needs to produce the feel good oxytocin you so desperately require. Oh, and while you are at it, shut-up and stop trying to drag your husband off the couch. He'll love you more and you won't need to be so nasty to the rest of the world because you are not getting the genuine attention you need at home).

See how dangerous a little bit of knowledge is? Dear friends and family, you would be well advised to avoid direct interaction with me until the initial curiosity of this read has worn off.

I have to admit, even though I picked up the book determined to learn but not absorb, I can't resist testing it's content. Yesterday, I was going to say something to Michael who was plunked in a chair while I vacuumed and tidied the house, then I thought; "what should a good 'Venutian' wife do?" I carried on silently. I'm not endorsing the effectiveness of this tactic, I'm just saying that this morning my Martian Michael snuck out of bed, tucked me snugly under the covers, kissed my forehead and drove Lula to work while I slept in.

Could there be some validity in self-help that I have been underestimating?

I'm going to test the theory. I'll let you know after I finish the chapter Venus and Mars at Rest. If this book can return me to a place where I sleep all night I will be sold.

For now and at the very least, I'm grateful for the mental distraction, the insight on why women are crazy and an explanation for why men prefer silence. Oh, and some gratitude to my Martian boss who thought I would enjoy some humorous educational material and to my Martian Michael who plans the most amazing dates (chapter 4 @ work right there ;) purely scientific suggestion of course)

Spend some moment everyday in reflection of gratitude and happiness. Even if the time found is standing in line for coffee...use is wisely.


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