Friday, January 17, 2014

In Total Control of.....Nothing

I am waiting for a bed. In hour 3 now. Not nearly as long as Kate has been waiting for a bed but it feels like eternity. My house arrest  delivery window is 8am to 1pm. That is a placating way of saying “we’ll be there sometime Friday” really it is noncommittal.  I’ve reached the hour of bladder roulette. Basically I have to pee but I know the odds. The exact moment I drop trou’ they will arrive and ring my bell with the speed and accuracy of a professional ding-dong-ditcher. I am now practicing mind over matter to harness the urgency of my bladder. Yes that rhymed. The first signs of mental deterioration are most always Suess.

I can’t wait. I weigh my options……to heck with in—I’m going in!

Just as the phone rings! ……

“Hello, Mame—are you waiting for a bed?”

“Yes, do you have a bed?”

“Yes, a double box-spring and mattress set.”

“Are you bringing it to me?”

“Yes, are you home?”

(Insert screwy ‘you’re kidding right?’ face here)

“Yes, I’m home.”

The kindly delivery guy who unwittingly holds my bed and my bladder in his hands confirms our address and gives me an eta of 5 minutes. I want to blackmail him with something juicy if he doesn’t pull through. I’ve got nothing.

I've got 5 minutes, I could risk it but really, logically this guy doesn't sound like somebody I can put my trust in for accuracy - remember...he's not even sure I'm he called me! He could be waiting at the end of my driveway.

I silently promise my bladder she will be answered if she can just hold out another 15 minutes, 10 if this delivery guy is quick with a joke and to light up your smoke.

I cross my fingers and my legs and I wait. I lock the dog in the bedroom, open the front door and clear a path to expedite the process. 

The delivery guys arrive with the bed and it’s the right one, and they are very quick at putting their little delivery guy booties on. 9 minutes!

I smile, I sign, I rush them back out the door. Fully aware now that the only thing I really have control over is my bladder.


if they had been a minute later that theory would also be out the window!

Happy Friday, find a reason to smile!