It’s a number—the
number actually that has been swirling around in my head since yesterday
morning’s shower. Don’t ask me why stupid insights hit me in the shower—but I
always appreciate my brain’s attempt to detract attention from my mismanaged
curves.
Did you know that 90 is the magic number? I learned this
sitting behind my desk on the fringes of Insurance and Financial Advisor-ship.
90 is the industry standard. When clients want to know how long their
retirement money will last or how long they can expect to need insurance
coverage for, the industry guesses the most likely oldest you will live to be.
That number is 90. An age no doubt calculated on averages, variables and
statistics because that is how the insurance industry does everything. My short
tenure experiencing their capability of prediction and accounting leads me to
believe that it’s probably a very accurate number to support the average. Arguably
90 is a pretty good number.
Unless you are standing in the shower on the morning of the
birthday hurling you into your 45th year of life, mid lather I
realized that I am exactly halfway to my end-date. This came out the first time
as “I’m Half-way dead.” I revised it
to “I’ve lived half of my life.” which
still didn’t sit perfectly well with me. I tried “I’ve lived more days than I probably have left” that almost worked
except it got me thinking that I could have far less days even than that if I’m
not on track to hit the magic average. I turned the water up a little hotter to
sweat out some excess excess toxins and made a mental note to walk the dog and
eat more kale.
I let a more troublesome thought than dying wash over me (which
wasn’t difficult; dying doesn’t scare me like it used to—I learned this on the
way up). The scarier thought that hit me
was…. “What am I going to do with the second half of my life?” If I am in the
middle does this mean that I’m on the summit? that the proverbial ‘all downhill
from here’ applies? I’ve never thought
about life in that pictorial sense (see illustration below…on account of I just
thought of it like that).
 |
| Illustration Below |
I have a really difficult time seeing it playing out this
way, I’m more of a ‘half way up the climb’ kind of girl (refer to clever
Pictionary rendering B below).
 |
| Clever Pictionary Rendering 'B' |
But I can’t help but contemplate as I take a minute to look
over what I’ve already traversed— “What does this mean? Life has been pretty
incredible so far; filled with marriage and motherhood, learning, growing,
losing, loving, triumphs and challenges. If it only gets better what am I in
for?” question—exclamation—question mark. Looking down below I send my gaze
skyward for a moment “Are you sure you can top that?”
I can almost hear God laughing in reply.
A couple of the things I’ve learned on the challenging climb; it’s okay to be a little fearless and that the worst almost always
never happens, what you need never really leaves you and love is our
only purpose—beyond these notes I’ve learned that the very best things always
arrive wrapped in surprise and tied with faith.
Have a little.
Onward and upward with the journey!
Love
M
