I've reached Thursday with a mixture of sadness and gratitude.
Sadness that today is my last 'stay home Mom' day. I've so missed being here, taking care of things, being available to love when needed vs. when time permits. I've loved hearing my kid's stories and troubles in real time not recap. Having time to pour over home cooked meal preparation, some time to write and minutes left over for laundry has been heavenly. I can't believe that I so mistakenly thought that once my kids were all in school full time that I would not be needed so much around here. I won't lie, the last 7 days have been a strong emotional reminder of what I always wanted for my life and what I've been missing so badly.
Sure, I was crazy those 13 years I spent at home. Show me a SAHM that isn't just a little bent. I was crazy, there were days when I wanted to drive the entire house over a cliff... but I was happy. So was the rest of my family. We still are today, it's just a different kind of happy. It all leaves me feeling like the world's largest hypocrite. I tell my kids everyday to "walk confidently in the direction of their dreams." then I leave the house to spend my day in a life I have no passion for.
So what would it look like if I walked confidently in the direction of my dreams?
... My days would be focused on the emotional life of my family not the financial needs. I would be indulging a passion for writing and food. I would be laughing real laughter, not the kind I manufacture to move me through the day. It would be basic but heavenly, full of surprises (the good kind you don't even know you had in store)
This moves me to the gratitude portion of today. Today I am grateful for the unscheduled 7 days off from the necessary and the time it has afforded me to indulge a little bit of the life I would prefer to lead. Gratitude to Michael and our kids for forgiving my absence in the name of affording life. Gratitude for the person who has the opportunity in their back pocket for me to pursue the life I crave. If you are the person at the Food Network looking for a real life person to home test recipes, put their family up as taste testing guineapigs and write about it please click here with the details of this or similar senario...I'm interested!
My turn @ the table was long winded today...extra gratitude for letting me get it all off my chest. Thank you!
Your turn @ the Table....What's your gratitude?