Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Spider Got Nothing On Me!

Hate is a word I don't use very often. My Dad use to say to us when we were kids and the word would spit from our mouths. "Hate is a very strong word, you can't understand the enormity of the word. Hate is a word you can't take back." He would say "I strongly dislike is a better phrase to use."  So I did. remembering always that if I was going to say Hate, I better mean it in an unwavering, don't ever want to take it back kind of way.

Let me say, I Strongly dislike rapini. I strongly dislike when my neighbour's music shakes the windows in my house at 2am on a Saturday night. I strongly dislike doing my taxes. I strongly dislike the smell of cigarettes, the taste of fake watermelon candy, chewing gum and insomnia.

I Hate spiders.

insert disgusting photo of spider here. (Not going to happen, I like this space, I want to enjoy it)

Why, is irrational. They are tiny and harmless, I don't believe that they lay eggs in your ears or crawl in your mouth when you sleep. They do have 8 legs and too many eyes and you can tell they are all looking at you. I hate that as soon as the weather warms up the creepy crawlers emerge from wherever they spent the winter. I hate that they always emerge from some place I've been frequenting on a daily basis. I hate that they've been there all along. I hate when they crawl up from the kitchen drain or skitter across the bedroom wall inches from my head.

I hate when I find one in the shower with me...like I did this morning!

They shouldn't bother me, I've faced far bigger and more gruesome creatures. Once when a bat took haven in Michael's bachelor pad I was an integral part of the extradition team.  I was "the stick guy." If you have ever been involved in a wildlife relocation project you know they are 3 guys; the guy with the plan, the guy charged with containment equipment and the stick guy. The guy with the plan always has one (so does everybody else but when everything goes horribly wrong we all want someone to point at) The containment guy procures the kleenex, pillowcase, jar, bag, box or basket required and is vigilantly ready for the capture (the plan guy and the containment guy are never the same guy) The stick guy carries the flyswatter, broom, poker, tennis racket or golf club. This person must be able to follow directions like; 'No!', 'GO!, GO!, GO!', 'Other side' and 'Wait..wait..now!'

I always seem to be 'the stick guy.'  I swat the flies while everyone else points out where they are. I was the one with the broom the night the cat brought a mouse in the house. I was raking the yard on the afternoon a bird flew in the house...Yep I was the 'guy' trying to gently guide the creature under instruction to the open door. So that's my job. I don't plan, extricate or kill, I handle the necessary stick.

Until this morning. . . Remember that spider? 

Under normal circumstances I enlist an impassioned plea "Michael, I need you!" 26 years together and bless his heart he still thinks I'm talking sexy not hitman. Michael comes to my rescue and 'handles' the spider. (He also handles Lula's spiders and KJ's spiders). This morning found me in a predicament. I was already in the shower. I was already wet. Our ensuite shower is small, clearly I was already in the spider containment device. There is also the cardinal rule when dealing with spiders. It's like the first aid rule; 'Never leave the victim unattended to seek help. Call out, send someone else, flag somebody down.' Spiders must be handled the same way. Never take your eye off of the offender. They will disappear and you will never sleep, shower or go in that cupboard again.

All of these factors left me to deal. Suddenly I had to be 'the plan guy'. We were already contained (much to my horror) My plan was to kill the spider, now I needed a 'stick'. A shampoo bottle was to risky; with it's odd shape a miss was highly probable. Any 'stick guy' worth their salt knows you only get 1 really good chance. A razor; clearly too small, the bath puff; clearly not a stick. So I picked up the shower scissors. (please don't ask. I don't know why I have scissors in the shower except that we get alot of those shampoo sample packet thingies) Scissors in hand I braced myself for a good, one and only shot. I leaned forward, approached the spider, squished it with the scissors and immediately did that little dance you do when you are completely grossed out and not entirely sure the spider is indeed extinguished and not charging you.

I got him! First try!

I felt a tingle of guilt and then an enormous sense of courage and accomplishment. I conquered the spider and my fear. I felt like able to take on the what ever might threaten to cripple me today. I reached for the shampoo and lathered up. Keeping one eye open while I basked in the glory of victory. . . I watched Arachnophobia.

Gratitude today for small victories, If I can conquer a spider, E-man can conquer the dark and Lula can conquer public speaking.  A grateful chosen for KJ too, because, if not for my courage, she would be facing the demon herself (maybe she will start to use her own bathroom)

Spend some moment everyday in reflection of gratitude and happiness. Even if the time found is standing in line for coffee...use is wisely.


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